Being Stripped

Well, I spent another week camping in a remote African village. This time I worked with the Maternal Child Health Program, which basically informs and assesses children and pregnant women. We traveled around to different villages and then would measure the height, weight, and arm circumference of each child to test for malnutrition. Then if they were malnourished the nurse would talk with them about what they can be doing different and sometimes even telling the mother to take the child to the hospital for additional care. Then the pregnant mothers would get a check up which basically meant they check their blood pressure, weight, and swelling to make sure they are healthy carrying their babies.

This week was easier in some ways and harder in others. It was easier than the last as far as camping is concerned. I got better at bathing with buckets and my stomach had adjusted to the food. I was used to camping and actually really enjoyed how peaceful it was out there. BUT it was harder in a lot of other ways. I had literally been stripped of EVERYTHING. No family or friends, no cell phone service, no internet, no white people, no understandable language, no house, no control over what I eat, or when I eat, no toilet, (not even a hole in the ground) no shower, no schedule, no knowledge of what I would be doing that day, no light when its dark, a hole in my tent, and even felt uncomfortable/unsafe at times…I didn’t even know where I was. I was stripped of everything. The things I complained about last week, they were luxuries compared to this week.

I was much more frustrated with the language barrier this second time. Everyone this week spoke much faster and expected me to understand what they were saying…often expecting answers out of me and me literally having no clue what they said or why they were starring at me. But I did my best to try and pick out words and understand the programs and what we were doing to help. I started to pick things up and learned it faster than I anticipated. But it was still a rough way to learn.

At the same time that things were stripped of me and difficult to work with, I was being moved and broken for these sick kids. God was really stirring things in me, and giving me perspective on my life. I am truly blessed and all of my needs are met. I worry about things that don’t matter when there are literally dying children that don’t have any of their needs met. They don’t have clean water, they walk all day, usually without shoes, carrying things, working for their family, and almost always carrying a baby brother or sister on their back (sometimes kids at little as 4 yrs old.. carrying around a baby all day long… what?!!). I’d seen this before. It wasn’t a shock. But to really think through that. I don’t even like to think through it. And the crazy part is, they don’t throw fits. They do it. I don’t know… I’m still wrapping my mind around all of that. But they work all day, some of them don’t even have family to care for them. God has really been peeling the outer layer off of me to show me perspective and to break my heart for things that matter.

It was the combination of things being difficult, seeing what I was seeing, and how stripped I was of comfort that began a transformation in my thought processes. I would have moments of feeling completely alone, confused, and frustrated but I didn’t have the option of turning to anything else. I couldn’t walk away from it, I couldn’t call up my friends and complain, or browse the internet to get my mind off of it for a while. I couldn’t go into my kitchen and make a delicious snack to create some sort of happiness (because that fills holes, right?!;)). I couldn’t do anything to change my situation… except to pray. I had no choice but to bring God in because I had nothing else to ease the situation. I had to pray for stamina when I was standing all day long weighing sweet little African babies. I had to pray for strength when I hadn’t eaten anything all day and it was late afternoon and I was hot and hungry. I had to ask for a renewed mind when I would get frustrated at the language barrier, and for safety when I ran across a venomous green mamba snake. I had to pray against bacteria, disease, bugs, food poisoning, and crazy people. I had to lean on God for everything. I say “had to” like its work to do that. Like God is the last resort to pull out of my bag of “hole fillers”. Unfortunately so often that has been the case in my walk with God. I go to other things before I lean on the one who will actually change the situation, protect me, empower me, and fill me. It’s quite a privilege actually. I went through a transformation in my thoughts of “had to’s” to “get to’s” I GET to depend on God when nothing else is there. I get to know Him more intimately and see His work and power in the many small moments of my day. I get to walk with Him side by side all day long. I am honored. I started to feel God’s peace take over me and I felt so empowered that I could conquer anything with Him. I could feel Him everywhere and His beauty that He had been teaching me about was everywhere. He created beauty. Its holy and it’s Him. I started to see Him all around me. There was no need to look for Him. He was there and I had so much peace even in the midst of craziness. The situation was hard, and yet I was so happy to be there.

I was able to connect with God, to really listen, and to be his hands and feet in every moment. I struggled with feeling like I had a purpose in being there bc I was just this little white girl in a tiny remote village in Africa, with African people, living like they do but not having much of a role. So I started to pray… I prayed for him to show me what He wanted me to do and how He wanted me to help. It was crazy. I started to just ask to be used over and over and over probably every five minutes bc I wasn’t sure what to do next… and I started to see details. The big picture of poverty and disease started to zoom in on individual kids, and moments, and needs. I would see the little girl that came in who was probably 10… with her 4 little brothers and sisters playing the role of mom. I then would ask God to help me engage with her. I awkwardly did, with the little Portuguese I know, and she would start to light up. I didn’t even know what I was doing… but I think God was using me. I started to see the severity of their skin diseases, and their malnourishment and just started writing things down to try and meet needs better. I was able to be in the right spot and notice the right things at the right times and literally (hopefully) was just letting the spirit work through me. I started to become so grateful for the small things. I literally found myself thanking him for clean water, for sheets, food, my tent, and my bible. What?! Who am I?! THAT was what I was thankful for…my needs were met. And I literally had a thankful heart for just that. I loved it!!! I still have no idea what I did to really help… but I was there, and I was asking God to use me. And I know my God… if I am willing and asking Him to use me even if I cant see it, He is using me.

I left the campsite after a week, got on a small plane, (that I thought for sure was going to crash during our landing… It felt like there were elephants playing teeter totter on the wings…but we somehow landed safely) and flew back to Maputo where our main office is located. I got to have a room with air conditioning, a shower, a bed, food, and clean clothes. I got to see my friends, talk in English, and share with the people in my world about what I had just experienced. It was glorious. But slowly I began to lose sight of things (that quickly). I had my needs met again and I wasn’t depending in the Lord in every moment. I started to feel frustrated with certain things, anxious that I wasn’t doing enough, and lacked all kinds of patience. And then it dawned on me that I was filling my holes again with things that weren’t really filling them. I literally started craving my weeks of camping in the field. I was craving God. So my battle then began of trying to figure out how I can live a life that is comfortable, my needs are met, and I don’t use other things to fix my problems. How do I remember to give things to the Lord first, to walk in step with Him even when I’m not stripped of those things. I’m learning how to do that. I want to live closely to Him no matter how much I have, or what my circumstances are. I’m excited to camp with him again for the next couple of weeks but my prayer is that I learn how to instill that lifestyle into the life I normally live. Because God is God. He is just as much present back home as He is in the villages. I can experience Him that closely no matter where I am. It’s there. I just have to hold onto it.

I am being moved so deeply by the lord, I’m knowing him so intimately, His peace is truly filling me, and I am being transformed into something that’s of Him. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I love this place. I love being his hands and feet. I love feeling this close to Him and finding joy in the small things. I feel extremely privileged to be able to see what I’m seeing and be a part of trying to get the actual and immediate needs met of these precious kids. They broke my heart this week. They’re kids, ya know? Sweet little precious kids that God is using to change the inner depths of my being. I want to be a part of changing their lives as well. I’m thankful.